Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
