At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
