He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
