Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
