Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
