there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Found your dick twin last night
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
