soooo we both peed the bed last night...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
