i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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