I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
