the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
should my penis look like a turkey
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
