Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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