Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
