too bad you live with your parents still
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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