i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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