Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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