If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
