and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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