Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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