oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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