3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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