You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
