he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
