Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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