everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
