I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize