I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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