So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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