I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
