Someone shit on the floor
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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