Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
