Sry I called you an 8
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
