he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just invented taco cereal.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
