People in love make me want to vomit
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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