So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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