She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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