i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize