I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize