Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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