we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
