Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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