Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
