tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
