The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
