captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
