apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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