$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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