spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
