I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
