Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
they're like a gay fantastic four
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
