I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize