I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
