Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
