The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
