oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
