I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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