so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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