hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
