Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
