i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
