Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
