Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
