Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
