my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
